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Dec. 4: Santa's List Day/Hug Day... if I told Santa what I want this year, he'd probably wash my mouth out with soap! Hmmm... Hug Day... I miss the feeling of being held by a particular person... I mean how could I not? *sigh... even just talking to me would be nice*
Dec. 13: Friday the Thirteenth... uh-oh!
Dec. 19: Build a Snowman Day... I doubt it...
Dec. 25: Christmas... Merry Christmas, y'all!
12/1/02
She said, "Yes!"
Yesterday I intended to clean my room... and pretty much, ultimately, didn't and by night I realized, "Crud! I didn't clean my room!" but I enjoy procrastinating so it was all good. I did, however, talk a LOT on IM and listen almost entirely to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on CDs hehe. I can't help it... I'm easily distracted.
In the course of my conversations though, I learned I am being too dependent on someone who is completely undependable (in fact, downright "smothering," I'm told) ugh! Unfun... excuse me while I freak out, but come on... how am I "too nice?"... what exactly does that mean??? OMG! Guys are adorable at times, but sometimes I just wanna gag 'em with a dirty sock.
On a happy note though... my oh, so adorable bro and his awesome girlfriend called Friday night to tell us that they were engaged! YAY! He proposed to her on the beach, under the stars, in Monterey, California and she said, "YES!"  I'm so happy for them, and they're happy we're all HAPPY!
12/4/02
What flavor are you?
A couple of nights ago I just couldn't fall asleep... it was awful. I tossed and turned in bed for hours... periodically checking AIM to see if anybody... anybody... was online to keep me company, but noooooo. I started thinking about random things to entertain myself, and they were the most random things cuz, well, tired Ali + trying to amuse myself = weird! In desperation, I started browsing the Web... and stumbled on this: What Flavour Am I? (How cute... all British-sounding and everything...)
So... I discovered that I taste like peanut butter. Hehe isn't that so true??
I am one of the most blendable flavors; I go with sweet, I go with sour, I go with bland, I go with anything. I am practical and good company, but have something of a tendency to hang around when I'm not wanted, unaware that my presence is not welcome.
Well there's good stuff there, and NOT so good stuff, but yes, that amused me a lot at 3:00 in the morning, and it still amuses me now, so deal with it... muahahaha!
I've been feeling really cranky today. People on IM have been bugging me endlessly! I'm going to share my frustration with you now. *ahem*
Situation 1 - Some guy got my sn from somewhere a long time ago and decides to IM me, not knowing who I am. He asks, "Who are you? How did you get on my buddy list?" Okay, how should I know?! I wasn't there when you added me. On top of that, odds are, if you don't know who I am, even if we chatted before, I don't know who you are either!
Situation 2 - Someone on a couple of sn's I know pretends to be that someone and I don't fall for it. Dude! That's been done before. And NEVER pretend to be my boyfriend!
Situation 3 - Some random person decides to be cute and IM's me. A/S/L!? OMG! I'm not even gonna get into it.
I haven't talked to Scott in 4 days... I guess he doesn't really WANT a girlfriend.
** MEMO TO SELF: Don't be "too nice." Apparently most guys prefer to go out with b!tches. Nice = smothering. Okay, I'm gonna lose the nice for now and make a few demands:
Minimum Boyfriend Requirements...
- boyfriend must reserve at least 15 minutes a day for conversation with me (unless there's a darn good reason... and it better be good!).
- boyfriend must be able to detect important shifts in my emotional needs within 2 weeks of when they occur.
- boyfriend must try to avoid being grounded ALL the time!
- boyfriend must throw me a compliment at least once in a while.
- boyfriend must remember my birthday... after all, I remembered yours! Remembering my birthday doesn't have to cost anything, but it's worth the world to me to know you care.
- boyfriend must at least pretend to make a minimal EFFORT to have a relationship and actually physically see me once in a while... cuz if you're always THERE and I'm always HERE, then one of us is in the wrong place! Remember, virtual hugs and kisses are not a good substitute for the real thing.
12/5/02
Blah!
My life recently has been amazingly boring... lots and lots of sitting at home... alone... with nothing to keep me occupied but homework. I've been trying to get together with Scott for the past several weeks and it never works out. I miss seeing him... I miss talking to him... it's just an all-around sucky situation! Yeah, so I'm getting very lonely and confused.
Okay, so yeah, he's still grounded and can't use the computer unless his mom's not home... alright... that explains why I haven't been talking to him much... but is his phone broken or something? He says he'll call... I guess I'll give him another chance.
I miss being held and cuddled... and loved... and kissed. The dark shadow of depression slowly lurks over my world. It kinda sux and I'm not used to it... stupid teenager thing I guess, or I'm just looking for an excuse. Either way I need to have a good weekend. I need to have a good weekend, I need to have a good weekend. *If that's not a hint, I don't know what is!*
PS: I NEED TO HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!
12/8/02
I was so "purdiful"
Wooohoooo!!! Today was just amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing! Amazingly long also. I went for a photo session at Glamour Shots with my sis around 10:30 and finally finished up around 4:30... it took forever, but it was a LOT of fun! They did my hair and makeup before the pics and I loved it! I can't wait to get the pics back so I can show y'all!
I was supposed to see Scott after my pics were taken, but again... it didn't work out... and Jenna was supposed to see her boyfriend Noah too, but that didn't work out either, so we both looked glamorously "purdiful" and no one got to see...
There was hardly anyone really fun to talk to on IM this weekend, but YAY! Ryan's back from Louisiana and I got to talk to him last night. I am sooo glad we started talking again... he is so kool and I think we're starting to be really good friends! We used to talk quite a bit and then I think months went by without us saying much... talking to him is definitely MUCH better!  lol. If only you could see his awesome smile!
To someone I'll keep anonymous for now: I found out you're copying my IM profile quite frequently and then blocking my sn (I guess to try to keep me from finding out?)... well, when you started talking to my friends, they couldn't help but notice your lack of originality and ratted you out... I changed sn's and whoa... there you were... with MY profile! You say you want to be my friend, but then you keep doing stuff like this... the next thing I know, you'll be telling people you ARE me... or have you already gone that far?
Scott update: he did call me Saturday night and we finally got to talk for a while, but I just don't know where this is going. I think he's ungrounded... finally... but I'm beginning to think I'll still never see him cuz when he could have seen me Saturday, he went to a movie with one of his friends instead. When I found out about it, I wasn't too happy, and I whined to his friend about it when I saw him online (thanks, Tray for letting me vent). But I guess that makes it pretty clear what his priorities are... no matter how much he says he likes me and wants to see me, apparently he'd still prefer spending time with his guy friends that he sees at school or at least a lot more frequently than me... and it didn't matter that he hasn't seen me since November 1 (completely missing my birthday I might add). I'm sorry, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to see and/or talk to your boyfriend once in a while... and making plans with him is nearly impossible!
12/10/02
Making plans...
Well, maybe I didn't have such a great weekend last weekend, but THIS weekend is gonna rock! I'm so giddy!! Go me, go me... I get to spend Saturday with Ryan!! We're gonna shop 'til we drop and then come back to my house and play pool and watch a movie... finally I get to spend a day with one of the greatest and nicest guys I know! YAY!
Oh! and my Glamour Shots are online now. If you want to see them, check my photos on my main site.
12/12/02
Some people find excuses & some people find a way...
I want a guy who finds a way. I thought it was Scott, but we didn't want the same things in a relationship. He's really a nice guy and I wish it had worked out differently, but it didn't, so I've decided to move on. I just hope we can stay friends.
12/14/02
Wow!
Today was the best day ever! There are times when someone I care about says or does something that makes me feel like my heart is literally expanding in my chest. I love those moments... they make me feel that anything is possible. That's when I believe in magic. Thanks, Ryan, I had so much FUN today!
12/18/02
Tired and achy
I'm not quite sure what I was thinking when I left my house this morning to go to school with my head hurting and my nose running, especially since I came home yesterday from school and practically slept the rest of the day away cuz I felt lousy. If I had it to do all over again, I would probably have stayed home or at least gone to school packing a box of tissues, a bottle of maximum-strength Tylenol, and a collapsible cot. I really hate missing school, but I just may have to miss tomorrow... I feel... miserable... yes, I've experienced that very feeling from every angle for about 24 hours straight... well, okay, there was about 30-45 minutes where I was almost ache-free because Ryan was talking to me... amazing how he can make me smile even when I'm fighting this cold... or the flu... or whatever it is.
Gosh, about half the school is down with something and it's exams week. Ugh! I don't know what it is, but I've just had the worst headaches the last few days, and chills... yuck. Hopefully I'll feel better in a couple of days and I can see Ryan sometime next week... and my bro is coming home Friday for the holidays... YAY!
12/22/02
Merry Christmas!
The twelve gifts I wish for you this special season and all the year through...
Happiness, deep down within.
Serenity with each sunrise.
Success in each facet of your life.
Family beside you.
Close and caring friends.
Health inside you.
Love that never ends.
Special memories of all the yesterdays.
A bright today with much to be thankful for.
A path that leads to beautiful tomorrows.
Dreams that do their best to come true.
And appreciation of all the wonderful things about you.
~Poem by Collin McCarty
I can't think of anything I'd like to share except I'm finally pretty much over the flu, and I wanna thank all of y'all that missed me and left me nice messages on IM while I was sick. Thanks for caring about me! I'm soooo happy my bro is home for a few days! I love y'all... and Merry Christmas!
PS: Kelsey, where have you been?!?
12/27/02
My new/old best friend
There truly is no better friend than a sister! YA-YA! hehe. Over the holiday break, I've rediscovered my how great my sis is... I love ya, Jenna!
I hope y'all had a good Christmas... it was really nice for me. I think I really like giving people stuff, especially if it's a surprise to them that's the best part. *giggles*
The year's almost over and I'm pretty sure this space should be filled with something amusing, witty, or brilliant... but unfortunately I'm drawing a blank; however, I am working on those New Year's resolutions... how 'bout y'all?
I'm gonna go play The Sims Unleashed now... buh-bye!
12/29/02
 Sometimes I stay in Aliworld too long
I hate to accept it, but if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Someone made me realize that again last night... and once more I met reality. Today I'm facing the world and seeing myself and the people in it for what we really are, instead of how I perceived us and wanted us to be, and once more I'm greatly disappointed, yet wiser for it, and probablly better off in the long run.
Sometimes I am lost in my own little Aliworld with the things that I hold dear and "true," and I forget to realize the real world around me. The world and the people in it are something I see and lock into my mind, and then quickly discard or at least try to change in some way because they're not what I want them to be. How can I be so comfortably removed from reality that I don't see it? Why do I always try to make people into something they aren't capable of being?
Everyone has things they do too much of and things they don't do enough of, so since it's almost a brand new year, I'm currently in the process of going through my brain trying to find those things.
One of those things I do too much of is trying too hard to please everyone... I can't do it... I'm failing miserably... so I've decided to just not try so hard... it usually backfires anyway. Another thing I do way too much of is worrying about stupid things... okay, yeah, that's just gotta stop!
Another thing I've noticed about myself is that it's hard for me to tell people I need them... I either don't tell them enough, just don't tell them at all, or I tell them in such a way that I scare them off, so I'm gonna try to change that this year. I'm good at giving advice (whether it's asked for or not  ) and reassurance (I think), but I don't know how to let anyone know that sometimes I need those things too. I'm so much better at helping other people than I am at helping myself... hmmm... I wonder when I'll ever learn.
One of the things I'm definitely gonna try to do MORE of is laughing! HAHAHA! When did laughing have to make sense? It's something that just..... happens. You can laugh if you find something amusing, or you can laugh if something in your brain sets off a memory of something that amused you. You can laugh a laugh of contentment, or just laugh because you can! Why do people make fun of you if you laugh at something that other people don't find funny? Oh, well... if I get made fun of for laughing, that's just a little more to laugh at.
Well alrighty then, those are some of my goals right now... at least the ones I'm willing to share online... hehe... Contrary to what y'all may think, I don't put ALL my thoughts, opinions and emotions out there for an audience.
PS: Does anyone really read this?... cuz from my counter tally I know that at least someone is looking.
12/30/02
Disillusioned 
It saddens me whenever someone looks at me with apprehension because of things they believe to be true about me, and for their own reasons they're unwilling to see beyond the surface of misconception and deep within my heart... and see me for what I really am. I feel so frustrated. I hope I never do that to someone.
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